“Don’t you love it, don’t you love it,
No, I’m ain’t happy yet
But I’m way less sad” (Way Less Sad, AJR)
This is the mood for me currently.
I’m in the long haul in building my career and my path forward. Because I have writing and music that I’m building, the road ahead of me is not as clear, but the more I delve into these worlds, the more I want to keep going.
This does mean that there is double the possibility of disappointment and heartbreak, double the amount that I can be rejected. But it also means double the reward. And even better if I can couple my interests in one.
I recently started writing for Korean Indie, a music blog covering music by artists with Korean heritage. It’s a lovely mix of my writing mind and my music mind. I get to hone my writing skills but also listen and research more genres.
For example, for my first review I got to review SUMIN’s “XX,” which is an absolute rollercoaster of a producer singer-songwriter having fun because, well, she can. Listening to her EP on loop and pairing words to the experience of her soundscape was a welcome challenge and I look forward to further sharpening my ability to describe sound.
And on the writing side, I’m going to get paid for an article I wrote. I first had this in my junior year as part of my summer writing class. That article was about the local Korean snack and pastry shop and I got paid $15 for it. I still remember how surreal it was that for the first time, I was getting paid for my words.
August 23, 2016
Almost five years later, I’m going to be paid a lot more than $15 for an article about dandelion kimchi and growing up in the Midwest. Gotta be on brand, I guess.
For music, I’ve made headway with some collaborators and friends. We’ve been brewing up some ideas and there’s lots of songs that are simmering, waiting to be finished and shared with the world. The first of them is a song called “False Reality” that I did with my friend Chronos, dropping this Saturday. It’s a weird, dark, cyberpunk song that came from just wanting to make something pulling on the eccentric nature of K-Pop and experimenting (please pre-save the song!).
Album artwork for "False Reality" by my friend Nathan
In a season of waiting and results springing up far down the road, it’s very easy for me to feel like nothing is happening. But in those moments, I’m trying to instead schedule calls with friends, catch up, and remind myself that I exist within context and relationship with others and my crafts.
And there are little joys along the way, like a friend telling me that my music helps anchor her when she gets stressed or anxious or my friend who wrote an entire review for my EP “jellyfish” (which I’ll share soon along with some behind the scenes of the songs).
Everyone’s trying to make it, whether as an artist or just as a person paying bills, moving forwards in life. Maybe I’ll hit that cruise mode when I’m in my 30’s. Fine. In the midst of the doubts and inevitable gray moments, I’ll keep my foot on the pedal and if being happy and stable isn’t within reach yet, I’ll be way less sad.